Lowering My Expectations...

I have been on a mission, ever since Kindergarten loomed bright on the horizon, to somehow morph into Supermom. Yes, I knew it wouldn't really happen either, but it doesn't stop me from trying. I am attempting to do regular meal planning, which is quite a job. After years of just feeding my kids what they would eat, I have finally decided to just make one meal that the whole family can eat -- emphasis on the can. Will is another story entirely. Unfortunately, it hasn't met with much enthusiasm from anyone. But, like the dog Murphy from the 90's sitcom Mad About You, I apparently like repeatedly running into walls for no good reason. Most nights the kids won't eat much of dinner.  A few bites here and there is about all the oldest will manage. The youngest? Not even that. Then again, I'm not sure how Olivia eats enough to sustain an ant, never mind an active toddler, but I digress. At this point, the effort it takes to plan meals and a grocery list, do a big weekly shop, fix the food, store the leftovers, then throw them away because no one ate them the first time, so don't even think of having "leftover" night (which, isn't that supposed to be one of the rewards of doing this anyway?), isn't really providing much in the way of reward. The biggest plus is that I only have to fix one meal per night. That's a good thing.

I'm also trying to keep an orderly, uncluttered, clean house. Up until this point, I have always been fortunate to have someone come in every other week to clean, so all I had to do was some minor weekly maintenance stuff (which honestly, I often slacked on until playdate time). Now, one has to question the intelligence of a woman who decides, by her own free will, to give up said cleaning service when I am in the largest home I've ever been in. Seriously? What was I thinking! Well, I'm thinking for one that even as shoddy a housekeeper as I can be at times, I still do a better job than the cleaning service. Isn't that awful? But I guess there's a sense of pride when it's your own house, and there are those things that you notice when you walk by them a thousand times a day, no matter how hard you try to ignore them.

So, just as I am doing with the meals, I am attempting to get on some sort of a cleaning schedule. In my previous housecleaning adventures, I have always tried to clean the whole house in one shot. I mean, housecleaning is not something to be achieved in drips and drams, is it? Well, I've found that to be exactly the case. I just can't do this whole house in one sitting, even if I wanted to. So, I accept that I have to clean in 20 - 30 minute chunks. Otherwise, it never gets done. Besides, with kids, there's nothing worse than spending 6 hours cleaning only to have one kid (or husband) walk through the house, leaving a wake of dirt and destruction in her wake.

All of this rambling is to say that I'm having to let go of my perfectionism. So what if the kids don't eat the meals I spend time and effort to put in front of them? That's what chewable vitamins are for. Besides, isn't it really just for bragging rights with other moms? It's not much fun to have to 'fess up to feeding my kids fish sticks and noodles for 5 out of 7 dinners. And, so what if my house is never clean all at once? It's clean and tidy most of the time, and I'm much lessed stressed by lowering the expectations. Okay, so you might not want to eat off my floors and I wouldn't look too closely at the cobwebs in the corners, but seriously, it's good enough. And, at the end of the day, I'm having to embrace the good, no matter how much I wish for great.

The Process of Letting Go...

There are not enough words to express the mix of emotions I'm feeling right now. Today was Sophia's Kindergarten orientation, and I was very excited to meet her teacher, see where she will spend her days, and even ride the bus home with her. Although I was thrilled to be able to experience all of this with her, I am also saddened by the thought that as of tomorrow, our paths will diverge. For approximately seven hours of the day, five days a week, she will head off without me. The hardest part, at least as I imagine it, is that any knowledge I will have of her time at school will be subject to her willingness to communicate, or even her ability to remember, the details. I suppose with all of the high tech gadgets on the market, I could probably invest in a nice little camera that would record every detail for me, but at some point, that would just be creepy.

God knows my heart, and He is incredibly sweet. As I face all the fears of whether or not I've adequately prepared my child for the challenges she will encounter as she begins school, He gives me encouragement. This afternoon, as we shared a snack together, we heard the sirens of a passing fire truck. Immediately Sophia folded her hands and closed her eyes. Several seconds later she looked up with a beaming smile on her face and said, "I just prayed that Jesus would keep the people safe and that they would get to the hospital where they would get all better." My heart almost burst with love for my sweet, darling baby girl. She's growing up, and tomorrow begins the inevitable separation that comes with starting school. And yet, I know that while I may have failed as a parent at times, and even though I will continue to fail, she has a beginning faith in a most wonderful and faithful Father who will continue to guide her perfectly. It's the affirmation I needed that, while I may be letting go, He never will.

Getting Organized...

I don't know whether it is because it's the beginning of a new school year, or that I'm just finally fed up with the piles of paper and boxes, but I'm having an overwhelming urge to get organized. I have always been a person that enjoys being organized. I crave it, much the same way as I crave Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream.

The difficulty comes with the realization that I'm not really any good at getting organized. As much as I love all things organizational -- I could unload some serious cash in The Container Store -- I often find the process of sorting through endless piles of paper rather tedious. And, quite possibly, I have a genetic predisposition for being a pack rat. Add to this the fact that I have a long-running love affair with paper, preferably in cute and whimsical patterns, and we've got a recipe for frustration.

The other complication here is that my oldest child is a very prolific "artist." Well, at least a generator of something akin to art. If artistic talent were determined merely by the amount of art produced, she would undoubtedly have been proclaimed a child Picasso. It's not just that she produces an inordinate quantity of scribblings and sketches, it is that she has a sixth sense for when Mommy has decided to purge... ahem... selectively downsize, our art collection. This child has no interest in properly disposing of items in the trash can UNTIL Mommy has just buried two or three of her creations therein. And then, voila, an instant fascination with the trash can! And not just those items lingering at the top, but those strangely familiar pages tucked deep down under the remnants from the morning's breakfast. No remedy will calm the tears save Mommy sifting through the ick and retrieving the masterpieces and restoring them to a place of honor. Or at least a pile of similar pictures, awaiting the darkness of night, to be disposed of directly in the outside trash bins. I suppose her reluctance to part with her artistic creations is also a genetic predispostion towards pack ratiness. I ought not to judge.

The First Hints of Fall...

I know, it's been a while since I've posted anything here, but until last week, I didn't really think anyone was following. But, since I have found out that I do indeed have two fans (thanks Mom and Dad!), I thought I would get back into the habit of blogging. Besides, I had a great lead-in from The Diaper Diaries with her post about the things she loves about Fall, so here are my mindless ramblings...

This morning I had a sitter, so was able to run some errands that were much needed after a week of being away. Today, my normal harried schedule was interrupted by the realization that August is almost gone. Ever since I was a child, I have always felt that August had a very different smell and feel. I know it's a bit bizarre, but I'm a very sensory type person, with smell being very dominant. As I stepped out of my car in New Canaan, a very quaint Coastal New England town, I instantly had a whiff of August -- there was almost a smokey, earthy smell to the air. There was also a cool breeze, in spite of the warm temperatures. It is the great paradox of August; it is still very much summer, and yet the air has begun to smell and feel a bit more like Autumn. I have always found August to be a bit bittersweet: anticipation for the new school year mixed with sadness for the end of the lazy days of summer.

It's not surprising that this is the first year that August has been a bit heavier on the bitter than sweet. With the move this summer and the late onset of summer-like weather, it doesn't feel that I've had much of a summer to begin with. Add to it that Sophia begins Kindergarten in a week, and it is a bit of an emotional whirlwind. I am excited for her, but sad at the end of a phase of our lives that has become almost second nature. I know that she will thrive in school, but find myself saddened that her preschool years are at an end. I am very grateful that I've been able to stay home with her and that conditions have allowed us to forego preschool for learning at home. But still, I am personally sad to be losing my "baby."

I love fall and so am trying to focus on all the wonderful things that come with the change in seasons: apple picking, pumpkins, cool weather, the changing leaves, college football, and hearty cool weather foods. I can only imagine how beautiful North Stamford will be with the changing leaves. I'm looking forward to building a fire in my gorgeous stone fireplace. I am also excited about beginning this new journey of mother to a school-age child.

Saying Goodbye

No matter how many times you move or have friends move away, it never seems to get any easier. In fact, it probably just gets harder, because you know that there will be the inevitable changes that come with distance. Although there are great tools for keeping in touch, such as Facebook and Skype, there is no true substitute for living life alongside someone.

This has been a tough week. I am once again saying good-bye to a dear friend. I am finding this particular parting to be especially difficult for many reasons, none of which I can adequately describe here. But, as I experience the sadness that comes with her rapidly approaching departure, I keep coming back to 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.

16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Although this may seem like an odd verse to be meditating upon, I have found great comfort in its truth. The only way that I can give thanks in all circumstances is by relying upon my knowledge of God's character: He is good; He is loving; He has a plan for my life; He knows my needs, my hurts, my wants, and He cares about me. Knowing this, I can trust Him. I can trust that He has a plan for my friend, and that she is being obedient by pursuing that plan. And, there is much to be thankful for: thankful that she is one of my dearest friends; thankful that we've shared many cherry pastries together; thankful that she was there for me in one of the hardest times of my life; thankful for the other friends I still have near me to lean up as I go through this. I am thankful, too, for email, Facebook and Skype, which will help us to keep in touch despite the distance. I am grateful that she is moving to a great city that is fairly convenient to travel to. And most of all, I'm thankful for Jesus, who is always present and never changing. When everything else around me is in flux, He is always constant, and I can depend upon Him for every need. Finally, I am thankful that one day, all of my sisters in Christ and I will have eternal chat sessions where the only tears are tears of joy and laughter.

Week 2 of "The Challenge"

This is week two of the 1 Cor 7:5 Challenge. If you don't know what I'm talking about, click on the box and head over to The Diaper Diaries to learn about it (and sign up!). She's taking it nice and slow, which is a very, very good thing. Besides, today's challenge involves shopping! What's not to love about that? Ok, shopping for undies is not on my huge "woo hoo!" list, but there's nothin' wrong with taking a little time to feel pretty, even if you and your hubby are the only ones who will ever know. Take this as permission to splurge a bit on yourself. And honestly, aren't you worth it? Besides, you will feel better, and therefore, so will hubby. Men are visual creatures and granny panties are not going to light his fire. Ever. So, do yourself a favor. Do your hubby a favor. Go shopping. Have fun. Be adventurous. And if you feel guilty about spending money on this, remember, you're investing in your marriage. Isn't that worth it?!

What I Want, What I Really, Really Want...

I'm sure many of you girlfriends out there will accuse me of setting the women's movement back about 200 years. If so, I do apologize, but I don't think I'm alone. What I really, really want from my man is a knight in shining armor. Not all situations require my hubby to come to my rescue, and honestly, I can probably handle most things that do come my way. But, there are those situations that I just don't like to deal with: cleaning out the mousetraps, anything to do with the heating and/or cooling systems, car malfunctions, just to name a few. And therefore, I needs me said anachronistic fighter in shiny metallic covering.

You guys just don't know how much we want your help. We've spent years proving we can handle ourselves in virtually every situation, so you will be forgiven for thinking that we don't want or need you. But see, we really do. We don't want you to make a big deal about it or to gloat. We just want a man to walk in and quietly do his thing and then walk back out. The other day our heat went out upstairs and we had no hot water. I was getting anxious about the prospect of missing a rare coffee date with a dear friend (I really NEEDED a shower, if you know what I mean!) when the aforementioned knight went downstairs, pushed a button and in a few minutes, we had heat and hot water again. It was incredibly simple, but it was exactly what I needed. And I found it incredibly attractive. A man, simply doing what a man does best: solving a problem, without any fanfare. Yes ma'am, that's what I want.

Throwing Down the Gauntlet...

Friends (assuming there's anyone even reading this blog!!), we have been issued a challenge. If you're like me, this is a huge challenge, but I'm willing to give it a go. You are excused from this current challenge under the following circumstances: a) you are 9 3/4 months pregnant (or somewhat even close to that), b) you have a baby under the age of 6 months, or c) you are not currently married (engaged doesn't cut it). Everyone else, it's time to ... ahem... man up. I was intrigued by the 1 Cor 7:5 Challenge posted over at The Diaper Diaries. In fact, that's the whole reason I started reading a blog in the first place. It's intriguing. It's challenging. But just perhaps there is a whole lot of truth here.

As a no-longer newly married sort, it's easy to be lazy about this. Certainly there are a lot of valid reasons why we don't do the "thing" much, what with spouses that work a gazillion hours, kids that still inhabit the house, and seriously addicting TV to watch (yeah, right). But, there are reasons that God created marriage and there are reasons that we ought to make more of an effort at enjoying each other. I don't think this will solve the financial crisis or that it will instantly morph us into perfect wives and husbands, but it will definitely go a long way towards healing our second most important relationship (yes, I said second).

Today is Day 1 of the challenge. Every Monday there will be a new installment in the Challenge. I encourage you to head over there and let her know you're in, then give it an honest effort. I look forward to seeing lots of happy men (and women) around!