There are not enough words to express the mix of emotions I'm feeling right now. Today was Sophia's Kindergarten orientation, and I was very excited to meet her teacher, see where she will spend her days, and even ride the bus home with her. Although I was thrilled to be able to experience all of this with her, I am also saddened by the thought that as of tomorrow, our paths will diverge. For approximately seven hours of the day, five days a week, she will head off without me. The hardest part, at least as I imagine it, is that any knowledge I will have of her time at school will be subject to her willingness to communicate, or even her ability to remember, the details. I suppose with all of the high tech gadgets on the market, I could probably invest in a nice little camera that would record every detail for me, but at some point, that would just be creepy.
God knows my heart, and He is incredibly sweet. As I face all the fears of whether or not I've adequately prepared my child for the challenges she will encounter as she begins school, He gives me encouragement. This afternoon, as we shared a snack together, we heard the sirens of a passing fire truck. Immediately Sophia folded her hands and closed her eyes. Several seconds later she looked up with a beaming smile on her face and said, "I just prayed that Jesus would keep the people safe and that they would get to the hospital where they would get all better." My heart almost burst with love for my sweet, darling baby girl. She's growing up, and tomorrow begins the inevitable separation that comes with starting school. And yet, I know that while I may have failed as a parent at times, and even though I will continue to fail, she has a beginning faith in a most wonderful and faithful Father who will continue to guide her perfectly. It's the affirmation I needed that, while I may be letting go, He never will.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Getting Organized...
I don't know whether it is because it's the beginning of a new school year, or that I'm just finally fed up with the piles of paper and boxes, but I'm having an overwhelming urge to get organized. I have always been a person that enjoys being organized. I crave it, much the same way as I crave Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream.
The difficulty comes with the realization that I'm not really any good at getting organized. As much as I love all things organizational -- I could unload some serious cash in The Container Store -- I often find the process of sorting through endless piles of paper rather tedious. And, quite possibly, I have a genetic predisposition for being a pack rat. Add to this the fact that I have a long-running love affair with paper, preferably in cute and whimsical patterns, and we've got a recipe for frustration.
The other complication here is that my oldest child is a very prolific "artist." Well, at least a generator of something akin to art. If artistic talent were determined merely by the amount of art produced, she would undoubtedly have been proclaimed a child Picasso. It's not just that she produces an inordinate quantity of scribblings and sketches, it is that she has a sixth sense for when Mommy has decided to purge... ahem... selectively downsize, our art collection. This child has no interest in properly disposing of items in the trash can UNTIL Mommy has just buried two or three of her creations therein. And then, voila, an instant fascination with the trash can! And not just those items lingering at the top, but those strangely familiar pages tucked deep down under the remnants from the morning's breakfast. No remedy will calm the tears save Mommy sifting through the ick and retrieving the masterpieces and restoring them to a place of honor. Or at least a pile of similar pictures, awaiting the darkness of night, to be disposed of directly in the outside trash bins. I suppose her reluctance to part with her artistic creations is also a genetic predispostion towards pack ratiness. I ought not to judge.
The difficulty comes with the realization that I'm not really any good at getting organized. As much as I love all things organizational -- I could unload some serious cash in The Container Store -- I often find the process of sorting through endless piles of paper rather tedious. And, quite possibly, I have a genetic predisposition for being a pack rat. Add to this the fact that I have a long-running love affair with paper, preferably in cute and whimsical patterns, and we've got a recipe for frustration.
The other complication here is that my oldest child is a very prolific "artist." Well, at least a generator of something akin to art. If artistic talent were determined merely by the amount of art produced, she would undoubtedly have been proclaimed a child Picasso. It's not just that she produces an inordinate quantity of scribblings and sketches, it is that she has a sixth sense for when Mommy has decided to purge... ahem... selectively downsize, our art collection. This child has no interest in properly disposing of items in the trash can UNTIL Mommy has just buried two or three of her creations therein. And then, voila, an instant fascination with the trash can! And not just those items lingering at the top, but those strangely familiar pages tucked deep down under the remnants from the morning's breakfast. No remedy will calm the tears save Mommy sifting through the ick and retrieving the masterpieces and restoring them to a place of honor. Or at least a pile of similar pictures, awaiting the darkness of night, to be disposed of directly in the outside trash bins. I suppose her reluctance to part with her artistic creations is also a genetic predispostion towards pack ratiness. I ought not to judge.
Monday, August 24, 2009
The First Hints of Fall...
I know, it's been a while since I've posted anything here, but until last week, I didn't really think anyone was following. But, since I have found out that I do indeed have two fans (thanks Mom and Dad!), I thought I would get back into the habit of blogging. Besides, I had a great lead-in from The Diaper Diaries with her post about the things she loves about Fall, so here are my mindless ramblings...
This morning I had a sitter, so was able to run some errands that were much needed after a week of being away. Today, my normal harried schedule was interrupted by the realization that August is almost gone. Ever since I was a child, I have always felt that August had a very different smell and feel. I know it's a bit bizarre, but I'm a very sensory type person, with smell being very dominant. As I stepped out of my car in New Canaan, a very quaint Coastal New England town, I instantly had a whiff of August -- there was almost a smokey, earthy smell to the air. There was also a cool breeze, in spite of the warm temperatures. It is the great paradox of August; it is still very much summer, and yet the air has begun to smell and feel a bit more like Autumn. I have always found August to be a bit bittersweet: anticipation for the new school year mixed with sadness for the end of the lazy days of summer.
It's not surprising that this is the first year that August has been a bit heavier on the bitter than sweet. With the move this summer and the late onset of summer-like weather, it doesn't feel that I've had much of a summer to begin with. Add to it that Sophia begins Kindergarten in a week, and it is a bit of an emotional whirlwind. I am excited for her, but sad at the end of a phase of our lives that has become almost second nature. I know that she will thrive in school, but find myself saddened that her preschool years are at an end. I am very grateful that I've been able to stay home with her and that conditions have allowed us to forego preschool for learning at home. But still, I am personally sad to be losing my "baby."
I love fall and so am trying to focus on all the wonderful things that come with the change in seasons: apple picking, pumpkins, cool weather, the changing leaves, college football, and hearty cool weather foods. I can only imagine how beautiful North Stamford will be with the changing leaves. I'm looking forward to building a fire in my gorgeous stone fireplace. I am also excited about beginning this new journey of mother to a school-age child.
This morning I had a sitter, so was able to run some errands that were much needed after a week of being away. Today, my normal harried schedule was interrupted by the realization that August is almost gone. Ever since I was a child, I have always felt that August had a very different smell and feel. I know it's a bit bizarre, but I'm a very sensory type person, with smell being very dominant. As I stepped out of my car in New Canaan, a very quaint Coastal New England town, I instantly had a whiff of August -- there was almost a smokey, earthy smell to the air. There was also a cool breeze, in spite of the warm temperatures. It is the great paradox of August; it is still very much summer, and yet the air has begun to smell and feel a bit more like Autumn. I have always found August to be a bit bittersweet: anticipation for the new school year mixed with sadness for the end of the lazy days of summer.
It's not surprising that this is the first year that August has been a bit heavier on the bitter than sweet. With the move this summer and the late onset of summer-like weather, it doesn't feel that I've had much of a summer to begin with. Add to it that Sophia begins Kindergarten in a week, and it is a bit of an emotional whirlwind. I am excited for her, but sad at the end of a phase of our lives that has become almost second nature. I know that she will thrive in school, but find myself saddened that her preschool years are at an end. I am very grateful that I've been able to stay home with her and that conditions have allowed us to forego preschool for learning at home. But still, I am personally sad to be losing my "baby."
I love fall and so am trying to focus on all the wonderful things that come with the change in seasons: apple picking, pumpkins, cool weather, the changing leaves, college football, and hearty cool weather foods. I can only imagine how beautiful North Stamford will be with the changing leaves. I'm looking forward to building a fire in my gorgeous stone fireplace. I am also excited about beginning this new journey of mother to a school-age child.
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